The Power of Awesome-ness

There’s this feeling that I believe everyone gets once in a while. It’s that feeling of supreme invincibility- like nothing can go wrong no matter what you do.

Or at least, that’s what you believe.

And what’s weird is that it hits at the most random of times. Sometimes you’re not expecting it.

For me, it’s really random. Super random.

The other day, for instance, as I was downstairs doing my daily workout, I had the sudden feeling that without doubt I would be able to perform a back-flip.

Even though I had absolutely minimal training in gymnastics and could barely accomplish a front roll without wheezing in pain after, I received that feeling of awesome-ness.

So there I was, all alone in my basement- nothing but me and a hard wood floor.

Perhaps it was also the loud, upbeat music that gave me the belief that I could do a back-flip.

And so I did a back-flip.

And it did not turn out well.

The problem is, I get the feeling of awesome-ness a lot. I constantly get the feeling that i’m on top of the world and that I can accomplish things that i’ve never been able to accomplish before.

But of course, like the back-flip incident, with almost every attempt comes awful failure.

And I like to run away when there’s failure because it frightens me that I can’t do something and it’s embarrassing because I had told myself otherwise.

So I shy away and think about my actions in regret.

This stays with me for a long time and I never think about attempting such a thing again.

And then the feeling of awesome-ness hits me again, for absolutely no reason, and I laugh at my mistakes.

And then I believe I can conquer!

And then I fail.

And then I regret.

And then awesome-ness hits again.

It’s a tiring cycle that I can’t seem to control and haven’t really found a cure to.

But maybe I don’t need a cure. Maybe by failing, i’m practicing and eventually i’ll get it- though it will take longer than the average person.

You know what they say. Practice makes perfect?

Plus, doesn’t everyone get the feeling of awesome-ness? That shouldn’t make me feel so bad- though I haven’t quite found anyone yet.

I don’t know- maybe i’m just an alien.